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Victor’s Village Capitol Portraits Breakdown!
The Capitol Portraits have been arriving all week and we are in OVERLOAD MODE! Rather than only dedicate a skimpy paragraph to each in a typical post, we’re going old school!
For those of you who only discovered the site recently, we occasionally like to team up and BREAK IT DOWN for our audience, chat style! It’s long (hence the “Read More” tag! Click it!) and meticulous and hilariously ridiculous! Enjoy the party!
Effie Trinket
EFFIE MCQUEEN OF GENOVIA
The Girl With The Pearl: Okay ladies, let’s start with Effie!
Them There Eyes: I think they’ve upped the ante, and this was just our first taste of how far they’re potentially going.
TGWTP: Here’s my only hesitation: Is too much of one color a bad thing?
Them There Eyes: I don’t think it’s too much color at all! She’s supposed to clash, and pop, and other sounds.
Twiffidy: Yeah, too much color is very Capitol anyway.
TGWTP: I love that she’s got a regal gown with frilly but awesome shoes and SPACEMAN GLOVES!
Them There Eyes: I also love the clash of how soft her hair, shoes, and dress are in contrast to the gauntlet rings.
Twiffidy: This gave me flashbacks of when I went to the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met when I was in New York a couple of years ago.
Them There Eyes: I am in such hard like with Alexander McQueen… I’ve been looking at his work for years and going “Capitol, Capitol, Capitol.”
TGWTP: Alexander McQueen is the official designer of Effie Trinket. Which would technically make her totally vintage!
Them There Eyes: I know… her shoes were McQueen last year! And I’ve been pinning heelless shoes to my Panem themed pin board on Pinterest for months….. when I saw those shoes I flipped the fuck out, ’cause I’ve pinned several similar versions by McQueen.
Twiffidy: And these heelless shoes were A-MA-ZING!
TGWTP: Elizabeth Banks could wear a potato sack and look good, but Alexander McQueen definitely helps. I want to test that potato sack theory someday, though. I say that about these actors, but I need to see them in potato sacks!
Twiffidy: And I don’t know if those are bracelets or part of the glove, but I like that contrasting color, it helps break it up so there isn’t too much of the pink. And Elizabeth’s pose is perfect, very charm school with the crossed ankles.
Them There Eyes: Yes, very poised… polite, queenly. I’ve seen gloves like that before in my mother’s knitting books, they have sort of bells on them… or petals like a flower. And her pose makes me think of that sequence in the Princess Diaries.
Twiffidy: Haha yes! Very Princess Diaries! I’m waiting for her to tell Katniss to do the “Thank you for being here” wave.
TGWTP: There’s a reason that Effie always gets released first. The image demands your attention!
Twiffidy: Oh my gosh, yes… They do like to release her early!
Caesar Flickerman
A LITTLE LESS KARL LAGERFELD, A LITTLE MORE BARBIE
The Girl With The Pearl: Speaking of demanding attention, what do we think about Caesar?
Twiffidy: Funny story, I showed this to my friend and he did not even realize Caesar had a ponytail in the first movie
Them There Eyes: His hair still makes me think of one of my My Little Ponies. Her name was Rattles.
TGWTP: Well, it’s a high ponytail this time around. Caesar and Barbie now have something in common!
Twiffidy: Haha… a little less Karl Lagerfeld, a little more Barbie.
Them There Eyes: At least it doesn’t remind me of Michael Bolton anymore!
TGWTP: At first glance, I thought his hair was shaved off on the sides and I got really distressed!
Twiffidy: Did you notice his eyebrows look a little purple-y?
Them There Eyes: Yeah, they’re violet. He was already one of the more extremely styled people they had, but still it’s up a notch or two, which is what I was craving.
Twiffidy: I’m glad they stuck with the textured suit idea from the first movie and then elevated it.
TGWTP: Caesar is basically a 5-year-old’s hair color experiment.
Them There Eyes: Kool-Aid!
TWGTP: YES!
Them There Eyes: Great. Now the Kool-Aid guy is going to come crashing in here saying “Ohhhh yeaaahhh!”
Cinna
EXPERIMENTAL SEX CLUBS IN THE MATRIX
TGWTP: Then let’s run to the next victim! *cough* I mean, subject! Cinna!
Twiffidy: My male friend said he wants Cinna’s boots.
Them There Eyes: If they wanted to scream rebel in our faces, but in a sexy way…. they’ve achieved that affect.
TGWTP: I know Cinna is not very Capitol and quite understated, but I still wanted MORE. His jacket has that emperor effect, so I appreciate that.
Twiffidy: But I think the gold eye liner is still there, which is reassuring.
TGWTP: It is, which makes it okay for him to be in all black.
Them There Eyes: Why all leather though?
TGWTP: No idea! Does anyone else think the tight leather sleeves make his arms look like toothpicks?
Twiffidy: This gives me such a Matrix vibe, especially with the green background.
Them There Eyes: Yes, that’s what I was trying to grasp onto… Matrix!
TGWTP: Seriously! I’m expecting Neo and Trinity any minute now!
Them There Eyes: He looks like Morpheus’ baby brother! I’ll say this… I’m glad they got rid of the medallion necklace. He has the gold hoops in his ear, and one ring on… His accessories are set in my eyes now. But…. do we think he looks a little sex club-y?
Twiffidy: Just the forearms.
Them There Eyes: Just the arms are sex club worthy? Wow… Up your game, Cinna!
TGWTP: It could happen. Cinna could be the quiet type who actually spends all his nights getting his freak on in peculiar places.
Them There Eyes: I smell a fan-fic!
Twiffidy: Be careful what you wish for!
TGWTP: Muahahahahaha!
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Ruffles, So Many Ruffles
I don’t know if you’re aware or not, but ruffles are really in style, especially in Panem. And what do I think of this trend? Well, hot damn– I think it’s the Cat’s Pajamas! All right, so if you’ve been Rip Van Winkle-ing it up for the past week, we got our selves a sizable dose of Catching Fire promotional material dropped into a virtual laps this week. Yep, and we were also part of the unveiling of one finely detailed, impeccably styled, and so far so good– well cast Beetee. Check it out if you’ve been binge drinking in Mexico, lost your phone in some guy’s hotel room, and forgot your Facebook password! Also, if you fit that description, might want to do a cleanse, or a home pregnancy test, your pick! Back to the ruffles, because ruffles are important!
See, when I was a little girl there were two things I wanted, and sadly never got. A pink
It’s pink and poofy, and it’s not fairy floss!
tutu, and a pair of red sparkly shoes reminiscent of Dorothy Gale’s Ruby Slippers immortalized in The MGM classic, The Wizard of Oz. But, like I said I never got either, and to this very day I still want them both– yes even the pink tutu. There’s no logical place to wear a pink tutu though, especially when I’m very much so an adult, not a ballerina, and not really into 80s style dancing (think early Madonna), however just because I personally have no place to wear a tutu, or anything resembling one– I’m still allowed to admire fashion versions of them that grace the pages of magazines, or in my case the Women’s Fashion section on my crack fix, AKA Pinterest. Which brings me to this wonderful week in time, when my love of stereotypically girlie and frilly stuff has been utilized oh so tastefully in the costuming of my favorite book to film franchise. And the world rejoiced, or at least I did– because, oh my god so fluffy!
I’ll probably say it a million times until the film finally hits my retinas next November, but the costume designs and the styling so far where it comes to this film, is finally meeting the visions I’ve had running around my head since I caved in and finally read The Hunger Games four years ago. So, please remember their 
names, because I’m making a bold statement in a couple of words. Trish Summerville, Ve Neil, and Linda D. Flowers are Oscar worthy judging purely on the styling of the handful of photos that have been released recently. I honestly put the gowns that Jena Malone, Jennifer Lawrence, and Elizabeth Banks (her costume, including the shoes are Alexander McQueen), have warn, up there with the costume designs of Jacqueline Durran, whom won for best costume design just this past month at The Oscars. There it is, bold statement– but I said that Jacqueline would win when I saw her work in Anna Karenina last December, and it happened, and I’m rarely wrong about this category, so… that’s that, cross your fingers, eyes, toes, and legs that I’m a little bit right this time as well!
Congratulations mom and dad, you raised a girlie girl! Where the hell are my Ruby Slippers?!
Them There Eyes
Sleepless in Hawaii
I think the calm before the storm is nearly about to break, and it just might break all over our pretty little heads. Storms are fun though, we like storms, they bring rainbows, and rain puddles for us to splash in, and also other stuff, like giant ass lightning strikes that blow out force fields, and free contestants from the worst reality TV show ever imagined! I’ll take the puddles over the lighting any day, y’know– if anyone’s asking, which no one has. If you’re as lost as I am in this lovely train of though laden article, here’s the deal– principal photography of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is about to start its true last days, and this is going down in a matter of hours. On top of that the promotional/ viral marketing that is oh so vital to a successful franchise now a-days, began to creep its tentacles out at us, oh– last week. It has to be said, I think we’re at a level of Def-Con 4 at this point in time, 5 of course is reserved for shirtless photos of Sam Claflin as Finnick Odair (Sorry Sam), because we have priorities.
Key members of the cast have traveled thousands of miles, and are currently lounging, punching themselves in the face, and also hitting them selves in the face with their phones (ex. A and B), taking sunset photos by the hotel pool, have gotten their hair did, and dyed unnatural, and natural colors, and are possibly getting a round of golf in– maybe, I don’t know. I get the
Josh got his hair did, I mean dyed.
feeling that tonight is a pretty strange night for those assorted cast members, they’re all jet-lagged no doubt, all away from home, and missing their pillows unless they were smart and brought their own, some of them are probably still reeling from something that happened less than a week ago, oh– and a couple of them probably are still doing triple takes every time they glimpse them selves in the bathroom mirror, or perhaps all reflective surfaces. If I was one of them I don’t know what I would do with myself, I also don’t know what character I would be right for.
Scratch that! I’m picking Johanna (again I must parenthetically apologize to a cast member. I’m sorry Jena, but Johanna is the only character that I’m the right age for, I also have short dark-ish hair, so tough– I’m taking your role. But only in my head!). Anyway, if I was one of those lucky few, I’d probably be exceptionally boring. Seriously, I’d go to the hotel gym, I get a workout in, I’d take a steam– if they have a steam room, damn they better have a steam room, I’d shower, I’d eat a meal, a boring one, but a healthful one (no salt!), I’d watch Southland on TNT, and then I would attempt to sleep. But how the hell can I sleep when I’m playing Johanna Mason, I’m in Hawaii, it’s the night before principle photography is starting its final days– hell no, I’m not sleeping! I’m staring at the ceiling, and pacing the carpet, I’m contemplating cracking open the mini-bar, and drinking all of the tiny bottles of wine, and eating the ridiculously over-priced Toblerone! I’m going damn near close to certifiably crazy, and then my wake-up call comes through, and I have to be down in the lobby to meet the driver who’s taking me to set– and I haven’t slept. Oh well, that’s what hair and make up are for.
So, here’s to the cast and crew of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire! I hope your night looks nothing like the one I imagined above, and I hope you all have a blast finishing up this film together. Now, go make magic!
Them There Eyes
Team Katniss – The Playmakers
So long, Superbowl! We admit to subjecting ourselves to food-bingeing, booze-swilling, dude-broing whenever you come around, even though we really don’t care who wins.
We hope Katniss has better taste in teams than this shirt implies…
Right now, we could write up that post about how the massively watched semi-violent sporting events could kind be a precursor to the sick obsession with violent realities in The Hunger Games but we’re not going to. We love both our denial and occasionally acting like Hemsy and his imaginary frat brothers. DEAL.
Instead, we’re going to talk about sports! … Yeah, yeah, quit ya groaning!
The one thing that’s missing in the world of Panem is play. We suppose in a world where everyone is starving and live death matches are classified as “games”, playing isn’t on the forefront of a child’s mind. We realize this isn’t Harry Potter and there ain’t no room for Quidditch in the dystopian future. But even in the most torn up, impoverished countries, simple play still exists: soccer with any number of kickable items, hand-clapping games, tag… it’s out there.
Chances are we didn’t see a lot of playing around because the story is told from Katniss’ perspective. She grew up far too quickly and she’s not someone to notice or revel in children playing. The closest she gets to a game is Crazy Cat, which is really just a metaphor for her inner anguish. The girl rolls everything in a thin layer of emo.
So if Panem has given up on the game, we’re bring the game to them! That’s right…
CHARACTER FANTASY FOOTBALL OF ATROCIOUS ATROCITY!
Let’s start by saying the Presidents Snow and Coin are not players. Coaches, perhaps, maybe just owners up in their box seats. And because “Team Capitol” doesn’t have a lot of members with names, we’re basically sticking to “Team 13″, where Haymitch Abernathy is the world’s drunkest offensive coordinator.
We pretend to know what this means. WE DON’T.
Quarterback – Katniss Everdeen. It may seems obvious, but we considered putting Peeta or Gale here too. Katniss wins because the QB is a leader, the one who everyone has to follow if the team is going to work. Reluctant or not, likable or not, everyone follows Katniss. In return, SHE MAKES PLAYS.
Running Back – Peeta Mellark. Fans have love/hate relationships with Running Backs. Sometimes, under the right circumstances, they’re brilliant and win big. Other times, they don’t have the chance to do much and they’re seriously taken for granted. Peeta is hunted, beguiled, betrayed, and hijacked, yet he still chugs along, making the best plays he can.
Wide Receiver – Gale Hawthorne. Wide receivers work with the Quarterback quite a bit. They’re usually the go-to guys the QBs look for when the game gets tense. When everything is on the line and Katniss needs someone else she can trust to share her burden, she goes to Gale. He helps her complete her goals when the pressure is on.
Tight End – Finnick Odair. Because have you seen the descriptions of his sweet, sweet muscles?! Just kidding! Tight End is an important role, but also a versatile one, back and forth between the jobs of a receiver and an offensive lineman. He protects his QB, but also makes plays of his own. It’s the Finnick we know and love.
Cornerback – Johanna Mason. Becuase she needs a defensive position! Cornerbacks are typically small and agile with a bite. They keep the other team’s receivers from making the big play, which was pretty much Johanna’s job through all of Catching Fire.
Linebacker – Boggs. More specifically, the Inside Linebacker, who traditionally calls the shots for the defense and takes on various defensive “jobs” on the field. They’re usually the ones taking down the other team’s players, to boot. Boggs is calling is shots, managing the politics, being a father and a friend, all while daringly kicking a revolution into gear.
We know there’s more positions to fill, but frankly, our knowledge of football isn’t all that extensive.
This Takes TEAM KATNISS To A Whole New Level,
The Girl With The Pearl
Shhhhhhhh!!!
Back when I was a teenager, y’know when flying cars were totally going to happen in 15 years, and dial-up was pretty much the only form of Internet access, there was this film that came out called Fight Club. You may have heard of it, but if you haven’t, don’t worry I won’t give away the plot, but I will say this– I think the rules invented, and spouted off by one of the lead characters played by none other than Brad Pitt, fit like a perfectly crafted cashmere sweater, the v-neck kind that are meant to hug the body not swamp it, anyway the rules fit the people who want to be part of The Hunger Games family. And those rules are right there in that picture, just click it to make it bigger if you can’t see, but if you can see them plainly, I think you might agree with me on what I’m about to say. Talking about wanting to be part of The Hunger Games is the kiss of death. Think about it, nearly every actor or actress who has expressed in some form or another, that they’d love to play such and such a character, and that “it would be so cool to be part of that project,” and blah blah blah– NONE of these people have had their wish granted. Read me correctly, NONE.
Okay, okay– maybe people like, say, Jena Malone has put vague messages on her Instagram, but she never said to Perez Hilton, or went on Twitter and tweeted “I’d love to play Johanna!” She doesn’t even have a Twitter, and I somehow doubt she’d give Perez Hilton the time of day, unlike one poor, blond, champion skier, who has an alarming resemblance to a molded plastic doll I used to try to rip the head off of, but never could (it was stuck on there really tight, guys). Then, of course, there’s Kristen Bell whom many people have taken issue with where it comes to her expressed desire to portray Johanna Mason. And then, I have to bring them up, but Lucas Till, and Hunter Parrish may have signed their 
own death warrants where it comes to securing a role. Why? Because they both spoke to the media before the final decision was made in last years casting of Peeta, and now Parrish has gone and done the same thing where it comes to Finnick Odair. Only time will tell if Parrish may have jinxed himself again! Till, however hasn’t said a peep, and who’s to know if those gossip rags that have sadly been feeding our Hunger Games info-stream as of late, even have legit information. So, there’s also really no way of knowing if the rumor that Till auditioned for Finnick was even true. If you didn’t know that Till allegedly has auditioned, there ya’ go… have fun with that, hope it doesn’t make you want to throw things, or smash things… whichever. Gotta say it, kind of hope it’s not true, ’cause he’s screamingly not Finnick material in my eyes at all.
I don’t know what’s going through these people’s minds, but I really think they need to rip a page out of Tyler Durden’s rule book (Brad Pitt’s character from Fight Club– do I really have to explain this? Really?), but just change a few words. And those words would be, “the first rule of The Hunger Games franchise is, if you want to be part of The Hunger Games franchise, don’t talk about wanting to be part of The Hunger Games franchise.”
Rinse and repeat, or you may end up looking like this guy.
Being Wrong Has Never Tasted So Sweet
Where to begin!? Oh, right– I LOVE BEING WRONG! No really, I love it, but only in this particular case, because well– I really, truly, and honestly did not want (erm, gonna be mean), a wannabe Victoria Secret model embodying Johanna Mason. Alright, if you’ve been camping, living under a rock, or generally without Internet access for the last 27 hours +, we got confirmation yesterday, the third of July, that Jena Malone has been offered the role of Johanna Mason. Gotta be confession-y now, I cried when I read The Hollywood Reporter headline. No, wait, first I shot up in my seat, shouted “oh my god!” wrapped my hand over the bottom portion of my face (mouth), and proceeded to sob, and then cry. I’m so glad no one else was home, people would have thought someone had died. No worries, they were tears of joy, and the elation lasted for about 40 minutes. Yep, only 40, because then the deluge of hate starting souring my high.
I’m just gonna say it, but what is with this fandom, and off shoots of it, and its outright
Stop being baby stank faces!
pooh flinging in the name of race, and racial equality, or just completely misplaced hate, or justice, or whatever. I don’t know how, or why, or when The Hunger Games became the poster child franchise of “whitewashing”, but last time I checked, i.e. last time I read the bloody books, all the characters who were clearly described to be not white, or white, were later cast properly, and well with actors and actresses of stellar talent, and also with genuinely good people. Note: “Not white” means people who did not receive a description of their skin color, i.e, Cinna, or Johanna, this means their casting is and/or was open to interpretation, that is why we got Lenny Kravitz, and probably why we also may have got Jena Malone.
Let’s get this out-of-the-way, shall we? Johanna Mason’s description was NEVER “Johanna Mason, the only surviving female District 7 victor, a young woman who was proud of her Latin origins, who stood 5’9′ at the round age of 20, her tan colored skin shone with a healthy luster, and her pitch black hair was glossy in the sunlight, her strong sturdy legs were imposing, and she had a physique of a person who spent the majority of their time doing hard physical labor, her arms cut with lines and grooves of muscle, her posture confident and prideful…” Yeah, I didn’t read that description anywhere, did you? Pretty sure no one did, unless they got boot-leg copies of the books, and they were frankly edited to within an inch of their paper-y lives. Let’s count it off, all the things we know about Johanna Mason.
- She’s the only surviving female victor hailing from lovely, wooded, District 7!
- She “won a few years back by pretending she was a weakling.” (p. 190 American Hardcover edition)
- “Wicked ability to murder.” (p. 214)
- Spiky hair, and wide-set brown eyes. (p. 214)
- Exhibitionist, i.e. totally flaunts her bits in front of everyone.
- Attitude problem.
- Dislikes Katniss.
- Likes Finnick.
- Handy with an ax.
- Lost everyone she cares about at the hands of the Capitol.
That is all we know about her, we don’t know her cultural heritage, because frankly all cultural heritage has pretty much lost its hold on people thanks to the Capitol’s hold, except in their names, and in minute traces in foods, music, and marriage
Spiky isn’t a color!
customs. Speaking of names, Johanna’s name is a strongly European name, in fact my great, great, great grandmother who was born and raised in Germany in the 19th century, her name was Johanna. And the name Mason is Anglo-Saxon, meaning it’s from the Island of Britain, take those snip-its, and run with ‘em– m’kay. But no one can truly pin-point if the origins of the Districts customs are IRISH, LATIN, GERMAN, SCANDINAVIAN, IRANIAN, ENGLISH, PUNJABI, EGYPTIAN, NIGERIAN, or any number of other nationalities and ethnic backgrounds. We don’t even get the color of Johanna’s skin described to us, let alone the color of her hair. I know everyone claims that she’s a brunette, but I just spent a good amount of time scouring my copy of Catching Fire, and literally the only description of Johanna’s hair is “spiky”, and “spiky” last time I checked isn’t a color, or a cultural marker. Also, face it, guys– skin color, and hair color are not markers of one’s heritage, because you could have mocha colored skin, and red hair and your family just happens to have never left the subcontinent of India. So, folks who are currently fuming because Jena Malone isn’t a Latina goddess with shiny black hair, with muscular arms, and tan skin, get off your unicorns, ’cause they don’t exist. I’ve seen some disturbing stuff out there on the Internets claiming that Hollywood isn’t trying hard enough to diversify the casts of their films, however to me– and in the case of this franchise, I know they filled out the cast with a wide variety of people. Hell, I even remember a friend of mine claiming that they didn’t like that Liam Hemsworth was Gale, because he looked too Native American, so there! Also, if the multiple rumors are even remotely true, Lionsgate wanted a Latina actress in the role of Johanna, but perhaps that actress wasn’t interested, and then there’s the rumor that they want Cicely Tyson, a black actress, in the role of Mags. So, they are still supposedly trying to fill out the cast with a spectrum of people, so please for the love of Peeta’s damaged soul, calm your tits!
They’ve chosen a reputable, seasoned, and talented actress to potentially portray a woman of substance, not a teen idol, or a fledgling actress who just graduated high school, or an actress who just graduated fictional high school at that. I think this is a win win situation, and if you don’t, you probably will when you see Malone in action next November. Yes, I think she’ll take the gig, she’d be insane not to.
Them There Eyes
Menar Jag Företag!
I don’t know how many of our regular readers out there were around for the casting frenzy that took place before The Hunger Games casting announcements started pouring in over the Internets roughly around this time last year. But, to those who are new to this wonderful, and by wonderful I mean completely awful experience, comparatively this is exponentially worse than before. And I know why it’s worse, it’s because this series, this franchise, whatever, has reached a completely different level in the medias consciousness than it was at last June. Thus every Tom, Dick, and Harriet, y’know– who over hears any tidbit of information, or near information about casting from people who either want to be involved in the ongoing project, or are involved in the ongoing project, are running to all those lovely gossip sites, and entertainment news media outlets, who lovingly pawn themselves off as non-biased, and informative, and spill whatever half eaten sandwich of a name, or idea they overheard. Or, face it– people who are just making shit up to get hits on their websites, or kick start their careers.
Twiffidy has smartly vowed to ignore most, and/or all casting information, unless it’s officially released by Lionsgate themselves. But me, oh dear god — me, I have to pay attention, because of– well, my innately obsessive nature (hey, at least I’m not tricking on the street to buy heroin!), and also because of my investment in the campaign for that one actor I will not name right now, being cast in the coveted role of Finnick. So, I can’t just ignore the information, or the figments of people’s imaginations disguising themselves as information, that shuffles its way into my e-mail inbox multiple times a day. In all honesty, I’m going a little crazy here, and not just about the Finnick rumors, which thankfully have gone quiet, except for that one that I saw made a few people’s heads role today. Talking about internet articles featuring Romeo Miller being toted as a candidate for Finnick. I’m just going to let those of you who are new to this concept digest that for a spell, feel the burn of it going down your throats, then the reflex of it trying to come back up– because the thought in and of its self is so repugnant that your body is physically rejecting it. Yeah, that was fun, let’s move on! But not before I say this, Romeo Miller strikes me a young man who is discontent with the way in which his career has been going since he was on Dancing With the Stars, and just for the fact that he’s stated that he’s “had a meeting” with Lionsgate about the film, but has not actually read the source material– and oh, also doesn’t fit the description of any major or even minor character in the series. Yeah, he’s just riding the coat tails of this franchises fame and fortune, and trying to get buzz for himself. There, I said it, moving on!
Lately, as you know all the Internets are abuzz about this young 18 year-old actress, Zoe
Johanna, is that you?
Aggeliki allegedly being the front-runner for the role of Johanna Mason. That’s right, folks– she’s 18. I try to stay optimistic where it comes to this franchise as much as I possibly can, but sometimes my true nature comes out– I’m a total cynic, people, and in the case of Miss Aggeliki getting the role of Johanna– I think it’s going to happen, and I can’t say I’m entirely happy about it. Look, I called it when Francis Lawrence was just the other guy on the final short list for director, I said he’d get the gig, I also called it on Jennifer Lawrence being cast (didn’t write for this blog then, this blog didn’t exist, therefore I have no evidence, damn). Anyway, I’m calling it now– Aggeliki will be cast, and if she’s not, I’ll quote my favorite Downton Abbey character, Tom Branson, “well, then I’m a monkey’s uncle.”
Like I said above, I try to stay optimistic, I even queried others on the theory I’m about to put forth to you all. Perhaps Johanna isn’t as old as everyone thinks she is? We all know that Finnick is the youngest victor in Hunger Games history having won at 14, but whose to say that Johanna wasn’t say, 15 when she won? Think about this as well, we have no idea when Johanna’s games took place either, all we know is that they took place “a few years” before the 75th. Who’s to say that “few” according to Katniss’ point of view, isn’t three years, or two, or four– making Johanna 17 to 20 years old? Sadly, when I queried others on this theory, most said that because the character displays an extreme amount of maturity, sexual and what not– they believe that Johanna is in her mid to late 20s. But, riddle me this– if you’re 15 and you win a televised fight to the death, and then over the course of the next two to four years of your life, the government systematically kills everyone you hold dear, subjects you to abuses you couldn’t have imagined even when you were fighting for your life on TV– wouldn’t you come out the other end a little jaded, a little cynical, a little confrontational, and perhaps a little bit of an exhibitionist, and yep– you’re only perhaps, 19? Just ruminate on that, ‘kay?
God, I wish I could go tinker with a car like Branson right now, but I have to go field my Google Alerts.
*menar jag företag means I mean business in Swedish.
Them There Eyes
Can A Fan Get Some Confirmed Catching Fire News, Already?!
Lionsgate, you been so lovely in the handling of this Hunger Games chaos. Truly, you have. Most days, we just want to snuggle you all for being so fantastic to the fans… but lately, you are driving us freaking crazy.
How ’bout a sneak peek at the dress?!
It’s not your fault, really. The gossip media is doing their job: They’re making you look like a friend who announces that they have a secret, then refuses to divulge. If you genuinely haven’t cast anyone new yet, a) GET ON THAT, and b) We guess we can’t blame you for the lack of announcements. But we’re in a seriously desperate news lull right now and all we can do is beg you to GIVE US SOMETHING!
Here’s what you can do to help a fangirl out:
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Send up a smoke signal from the location in which you’ll be filming to confirm the rumors (yes, even if one of those locations really is Atlanta).
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Put up some Morse code up on The Capitol PN telling us what date to expect casting news, so that the three people who still visit that site daily with the volume on can alert the masses that you can now hear “weird clicky noises” on the website.
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In fact, call me the night before and let me know which tribute you’ll cast first. I will drive my ass up to the Old North Church and put lanterns out for the fans: One if by Johanna, two if by Finnick. I shall temporarily rename my car Paul Revere for the occasion, and crank the song too!
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Create some riddle or puzzle to let us know about any very talented, award-winning new crew members that are hired, even though almost none of us will have any clue who that person is.
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Make us run around each major city in the US in some twisted scavenger hunt, at the end of which we will narrowly avoid being hit by an archer whose bow has information on which scenes will definitely be in the movie.
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In encoded message that takes hacker levels skills to crack, explaining what type of special effects techniques Francis Lawrence plans to use.
As you can see, we’ll take any Catching Fire news we can get. Literally anything! Cut a fanatic a break and give us the stuff before we start to lose it, man!
When We Start To Talk Like Deranged Lunatics, You Know It’s Bad..
The Girl With The Pearl
We Demand Better Hunger Games Fancasts!
We have a request. A small one, perhaps an impossible one, but a request all the same…
Can we please stop fancasting actors that SUCK?
Okay, maybe “suck” is too harsh a word. Maybe just “actors who haven’t proven themselves remotely capable of the emotional range required for this franchise” is more appropriate.
She’s a Television Teen, alright
We know it’s a little much to expect of people, but we hope that the fandom can work together to come through this devastating addiction to lousy acting.
Let’s explain to you the list of usual suspects we’re talking about. We’ll refer to them in this post as Television Teens: actors who have spent the majority of their careers on Disney, CW, ABC Family, or similar stations that have not yet had a truly promising role outside those venues. The type of shows on those channels aren’t meant to calibrate a young person’s acting skills. They’re mainly fluffy entertainment, heavy on the sex and romance and “scandal”, and not very heavy on quality acting experience. We’re not saying that those actors cannot and will not ever be successful elsewhere. There are plenty of actors who have moved passed their silly teen drama roots. We’re just saying that we need these actors to prove themselves somewhere else before they come a-steppin’ on this series hometurf.
This post mainly came about after ClevverTV– who is more like that girl you know who spreads rumors for attention than an actual news source– claimed that Dianna Agron of Glee is up for the role of Johanna Mason:
Let me preface this by saying that I watch Glee (though after this season, I give up). The only other thing we’ve seen Dianna in is I am Number Four. Based on those two performances alone, we cannot see Dianna pulling off a role like Johanna Mason.
Part of that is not Dianna’s fault. In both cases, the scripts aren’t very good. But she could have influenced the performance in other ways. For instance, in three seasons of Glee (SPOILERS!) her character starts as this delicious queen bee Regina George-esque character, gets pregnant, is abandoned by her family, has a baby, gives the baby up for adoption, learns to love again after mistrusting every man in her life, tries to steal the baby back from its adopted mother, turns into a crazy tattooed rebel, almost dies in a car crash, learns to walk again after being temporarily paralyzed in said car crash, and all while singing.
At some point in those turn of events, we probably should have felt our souls crushed under the weight of her character’s hardships, right? But we didn’t, because Dianna acts out every dramatic scene the exact. same. way: Very pretty crying and slow, whisper-y speeches. The exception to this is The Bohemian Rhapsody/Birth Scene (if you’ve never watched Glee, this is probably the weirdest but also possibly the best sequence the show has ever done) and if Dianna acted with THAT sort of passion, we probably wouldn’t be worried. The fact is that she hasn’t, therefore we require her, and other actors like her, to go out and prove themselves before they take on such a popular, demanding role.
So why is it that the fandom is so keen to fancast actors like this? Maybe we have hope that someday they’ll be great, but what if we’re wrong? Do we really want them in Catching Fire or Mockingjay, playing a role that it turns out they can’t pull off?
Think of Zac Efron, for another example. He’s an ex-Disney star who everyone loves for Finnick. And yet he hasn’t acted in a single nationally released movie actually worth our spending money. And before you say The Lucky One, note that it is one of the worst rated films of the year. Maybe he can do more than cookie cutter romances, but until we see that, our vote is hell no.
So much like a too-a-little-too-drunk girl being hit on by a total sleaze in a seedy bar, fans need to come to their senses and raise their expectations for themselves.
Or Pray For An Unknown As Talented As Jennifer Lawrence was in Winter’s Bone,
The Girl With The Pearl
You Are Never Going to be in Catching Fire (And Other Things That Suck)
As the Counting Crows once said: We all wanna be big, big stars.
Everyone who has ever loved The Hunger Games harbors a secret fantasy that they will be cast in the films, even if they were just extras. The more extreme among us truly believe that they are the perfect Beetee or Finnick or Johanna, even though they’ve never acted in anything other than community theater, at best. There’s some in every fandom. These people have earned themselves a certain label: SUCKERS.
To be portrayed by someone who is NOT YOU
Over the weekend, Acting-Auditions.org posted character descriptions for what they claim is an open audition. We’re talking about open auditions for ALL the major characters, as if they would just cast anyone off the streets.
If that isn’t enough to make you suspicious, the scam continues. Those fans who think they really have a shot get in contact with Acting Auditions. They’re told that in order to audition, you need representation. Luckily, they have sources who are willing to help you get representation for the low price of WAY TOO MUCH MONEY. You sign up, pay, and what do you know.. there’s no audition.
In a lot of cases, the character descriptions websites like these use are the actual descriptions sent out to casting agencies by the studio. In this case, Lionsgate has confirmed that the descriptions released are NOT REAL.
Check out the website. Notice that most of the films that “need” actors surround the actors in The Hunger Games or other major fandoms (including films that have wrapped already like The Host)? It’s not coincidence. They’re trying to lure in the young, naive fans who are so blinded by their obsession that they’re willing to overlook how sketchy this set-up is.
We’re going to admit a harsh truth to some readers: NONE OF US ARE EVER GOING TO BE IN A HUNGER GAMES MOVIE (unless a well-established actor is reading this.. in which case: Good luck!)
You, dear twenty-something from the Midwest who did theater and a couple student films in college– You are NEVER going to be Johanna Mason in Catching Fire. Nor will your boyfriend who moved out to LA be Finnick Odair. We’re not saying unknowns won’t be considered for the role. They very well could be. But they will be people with agents, connections, and at least some minor experience.You don’t just sit at home, decide that you want to act in your favorite movies and BAM! get the job!
If that were the case, I would have been in ALL the Harry Potter movies,
The Girl With The Pearl
