ALERT: WE HAVE MOCKINGJAY PROMOTION, PEOPLE! LOOK ALIVE!
We’re introducing some new fanon today, so pay care attention:
Somehow, some way Norman Rockwell traveled in time to Panem and was recruited to create district propaganda posters for The Capitol. Today, the photos were posted on TheCapitol.PN, which is aliiiiiiive once again! The more we look at these, the surer we are that the Rockwellian approach was intentional.
Artistic style aside, WE HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS. Let’s all have a rad sharing sesh! Starting with…
BUT THERE IS NO DISTRICT 12! GALE TOLD US SO!
Why does this image exist? We are so, so very confused about why this poster was done despite its artistic merits. Beautiful little girl covered in soot with a scary breathing mask is beautiful, but canon suggests she is either a) in District 13 or b) DEAD. And we doubt these posters are being shared between the Districts given their personalized nature, so who is seeing this, exactly? Are they hanging this among the ruins? Are they trying to impress the corpses and ashes?
Then there was this surprise moment…
“Oh, a muscular man with lots of tattoos and an ax. Rawr! He’s also got a wooden leg in his hands and… DUDE, WHERE IS THE REST OF YOUR LEG?!”
We gotta say we LOVE THIS. But best part? It’s not photoshop. What a badass! Who needs both legs when you have a face like that, anyway?
It’s really important from an artistic standpoint too because these are supposed to be “heroes” who are affected most by the hardships of the districts and this certainly looks the case. His district character fashioned himself a prosthetic, but it’s his doing and not the Capitol generosity that it supposedly portrays. Citizens and fans like will see right through the Capitol deception.
Anyone else feel like this is a small attempt to make up for leaving out the “amputee Peeta” storyline in the films?
Of course, he’s not the only one getting attention!
Your pants are made out of tire treads! We don’t have male genitalia, but everything about the bottom half of your outfit makes us thinking “EFFING OW!” How did you even walk in that? Maybe somebody wrapped you up in that shizz while you stood really still and tried not to breathe too hard? Anyway, good luck having children in the future!
There’s even a GOAT MAN, guys! Because how else can you support livestock without simultaneously covering yourself in it and holding a baby animal that you’ll later mix into a stew?!
S’okay though! The bull-style nasal piercing and the leather pipe are kind of all we need in life. We’re here for you, goat man!
It’s hard to look hot when you’re holding dead fish, but this model pulls it off! Finnick may not have gotten his fishnet outfit, but we’re glad someone else from District 4 did!
Also, all the models look kind of wet and shiny and finally, in this case it’s actually appropriate! Maybe she was just in the ocean and not just smothered in body oil! *cough* Maybeprobablynot.
Sorry.. we were too busy examining this woman’s flawless skin to come up with appropriate commentary. Confused as to why her makeup was a little overdone otherwise. As far as subtle cultural imagery goes though, this photo probably takes the cake.
Techie types always get the short end of the stick! Hideous face mask of plastic-y doom equipped with looks like a small bomb for an earpiece AND an awkward turtleneck?! You’re so cruel, Capitol!
It’s okay, District 3 citizens! When the current regime dissolves, you’ll be your tormentor’s boss one day! …Or something like that.
Now What’s Capitol TV Gonna Give Us?!
The Girl With The Pearl