The Capitol Cosmetic Craze

Apparently, we Hunger Games fans have learned absolutely nothing by reading the series.

Don’t believe us? Well, how many times have you read articles updating and analyzing “The Great Nail Polish Clusterfuck of 2011″? It’s all over the news: Lionsgate is getting its pants sued off by American International Industries after suddenly breaking their contract to create an exclusive line of Hunger Games nail polish, though Lionsgate claims it was in their rights because American International “leaked” product information. Because nail polish names like “Catnip” and “Cinna-mon” are TOP SECRET SHIT!

Seneca Crane approves of this mellarky

The best part is that this is just the beginning! If we’re already even considering a line of Hunger Games nail polish, we’re going to have a marketing scheme of horrendous proportions by the time Mockingjay is released! Get ready for Hunger Games makeup, collectors cups, Valentine’s Day cards and nail files, because they’re not far behind!

In the fandom for one of the most anticipated films of the year, this is the stuff we stumble over. Our favorite story resonates around a society obsessed with beauty to such an astronomical fault that they let others suffer in order to maintain it, meanwhile we fret over nail polish. Basically, Suzanne Collins thinks we’re a bunch of assholes (though she never told us that in person, obviously)!

But it’s not just nail polish! Oh no! Allure Online has created a list of all the beauty innovations used by arrogant Capitol citizens in The Hunger Games that they wish existed in real life. Oops! We guess they missed the message that the people of the Capitol were selfish and pathetic for obsessing over these things while people were struggling to survive in the other districts!

Then there’s the InStyle braid. URGH, THE BRAID! We get it… it’s kind of fun to use a silly photo app and slap a Katniss braid on your head. But we’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: If you want to try out the braided look, go braid your damn hair! If it’s not long enough, then you’re obviously not interested in braids! This isn’t some new innovative hairstyle, people!

Knowing that there actually might be some enjoyment in that last bit, we’ve decided to get it out of our systems all at once by braiding the hair of the only people who would ever need to get “the Katniss”: People of Panem obsessed with our fair Mockingjay!

Peeta will do ANYTHING to be one with Katniss..

Josh Hutcherson Peeta Mellark with Katniss Braid

Peeniss

Gale does it to repent..

Liam Hemsworth as Gale Hawthorne with Katniss Everdeen Braid

Galeniss

Haymitch is too drunk to realize what’s happened to his hair..

Woody Harrelson as Haymitch Abernathy with Katniss Everdeen braid

Hayniss. Hay-niss.. get it?! *snort*

MORE AFTER THE CUT!

Effie is up on all the latest trends..

Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket with Katniss Everdeen braid

Effniss

Cinna gets the credit for creating her look..

Lenny Kravitz as Cinna with Katniss Everdeen braid

Cinniss

Even Snow is in on the action!

Donald Sutherland as President Snow with Katniss Everdeen braid

Snowniss

I’m not bitter, that’s just the way my face is!
The Girl With The Pearl

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14 comments

  1. I may or may not have just LOL’d at those pictures.. you are truly brilliant.
    Everyday when I come home from school I read these articles… and I am happy to say it is the highlight of my day..
    You are all hilarious, and please keep writing about everything Hunger Games even after the movie, and please up to Mockingjay.
    If you stop, there will be no fun in my sad, sad life.
    Well, my friends and family will still be here, but they dont get Hunger games humour like you guys do.
    Never stop being hilarious,
    Peace, Love, Hunger Games!

    1. You flatter us way more than we deserve, but we’ll try to take the compliment and just say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! We try to be fun and entertaining, so if you enjoy the blog, we’re putting that in the win category. We love that you’re commenting and getting involved too!

  2. Oh my goodness, I can’t stop laughing at your subtitles for the photos! I especially love: “Gale does it to repent.”

    About the article: I agree. I’m interested in these things that are coming out, mainly because I like anything to do with The Hunger Games, but it’s obvious that some didn’t really get the message from the book.

  3. Message? What message? I mean, everyone only talks about Peeta-Katniss-Gale. Only a few chosen had enough attention to see there is politics behind it, and fewer noticed THIS is the moto from the start till the end. Not love.
    We can say, “Hey, it’s wrong to sell burned buns, they relate to Katniss hunger!”, because it is, but the truth is that, after our beloved books go on screen, we will simply have to close our eyes and hope they don’t sell things like “Katniss Wax” or “Choco Mutts”…

    But… Thanks to this blog we can at least get good information AND laugh over it XD

    Hayniss… oh my XD XD XD

    1. Choco mutts? That sounds sort of delicious! Okay, or gross.
      It’s not just the beauty products I’m worried about in this merchandising frenzy, its the other stuff like action figures and geez, hopefully no video games will be coming out anytime soon.

  4. And I was starting to think I was the only one who thought the nail polish line was an asshole move! Seriously, when I saw the line I had a strong aversion to it, but so many people were saying ‘I want that color’! And I was all in my head thinking ‘isn’t this like – TOTALLY wrong’?

  5. Well… I have to say, those collors were AWESOME… but it has nothing to do with what THG really talk about. It’s quite the oposite, and it opens the Pandora box to soooooooo many wrong marketing actions I have nightmares about… *shakes head* no… I’ll not let you get me, bad marketing!!! Never!!! *runs away crying*

  6. Cosmetic products of THG will be a disaster. The braid OH MY LANTA really?! You speak my mind also. Why can’t they just braid their hair? Plus I love your posts they are just coated in awesomeness and my type of criticism! ^_^

  7. Even months after I’ve read the series, I still ponder about what Collins is trying to tell us. I can’t get mad at them because that would make me a hypocrite (I do not fawn over the stuff. Just saying) but I’m more of disappointed in them.

    I love your blog by the way. It’s hilarious and even the most serious topic, you’d inject some humor and wit. Thank you for… I don’t know. Making me realize why I still love the series, I guess.

    By the way, I can’t stop laughing at the pictures and subtitles. (Pffft… Peeta’s name! Sorry; I have a dirty mind at times.)

    1. Thank you so much for your support! We do the best we can :)

      We think some merchandise is expected and it’s okay to fawn over some of it– we love jewelry and posters. We just don’t want it to verge on ridiculous!

      As for the Peeta caption, that was completely intentional, so laugh away! That’s what we call the Katniss/Peeta ship too!

  8. I completely agree with you about that allure article! I thought the exact same thing! It’s things like that that are going to show how much like the Capitol a lot of people are. I learned a lot from this book and sometimes I feel like people sometimes roll it up in a ball and say ” We just want the cool skin cream, who cares about the eye opening life lesson.”

    The post with the Katniss hair is so funny. That brightend my day. I love you guys! Thank you for expressing the exact way I felt! Suzzanne doesn’t want us to come away with ” Damn, I really want that shower”, she wants us to come away with so much more than that!

  9. Lol I had the same reaction to the Allure article. YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WANT TO DYE YOUR SKIN. It’s supposed to be absurd to Katniss.

  10. I have a feeling we will soon have Peeta Bread…. I would eat that ;)
    I’m gonna admit, I tried that braid on myself. But Haymitch looks much better! Thanks for making me lol

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